I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
