and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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