I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
