there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
