Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
