dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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