Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
