We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize