she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just google imaged poop.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
