we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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