I didn't shave. On purpose
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
