My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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