i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
