Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
