I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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