New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize