They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
