A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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