She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize