Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
