drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
