I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
