I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize