I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
