a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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