ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
