My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
