I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
