she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
