I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
