i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
