At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
