my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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