I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
