the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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