Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We left the knife in your bed.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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