Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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