NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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