from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
