i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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