went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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