Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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