I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
