you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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