U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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