Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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