She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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