party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
