I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
