who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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