I feel great
I just peed on a car
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
