My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize