What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
