i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Let's get the cat blown out
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
