I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
