at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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