i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
