i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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