She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
