i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
