hotel room ftw
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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