I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
