yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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