There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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