SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
