Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
