I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
