My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
