I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We left the knife in your bed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
