Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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