just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
