She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
