and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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