I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
