at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize