I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
