I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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