nut hugger
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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