No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
