Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
