dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
