no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
