Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
