then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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