No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
