Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize