so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think people are normalizing furries
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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