My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
