Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
