Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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