And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
