Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
