WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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