Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize