just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
