His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
