Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
