You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
