Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
