is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
