Yo dont text me then not text me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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