Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
