I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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