Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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