need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
