Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
